From drama to winning

A leadership guide for building accountability, trust, and momentum in startups

In startups, intensity is normal. Tight timelines, limited resources, and emotional investment can push even strong leaders into unhelpful patterns of interaction. One of the most useful lenses for understanding these patterns is the Drama Triangle, and its healthy counterpart, the Winner’s Triangle.

Used well, these models help leadership teams spot when they are leaking energy into blame, over-responsibility, or conflict—and how to shift into ownership, collaboration, and resilience.

A brief introduction

The Drama Triangle (unhealthy, reactive)

The Drama Triangle describes three roles people unconsciously rotate through under stress:

• Victim – feels powerless, overwhelmed, or done to

• Rescuer – overhelps, takes on responsibility that isn’t theirs

• Persecutor – criticises, blames, or controls

Importantly, no one stays in just one role. In a single meeting, someone can move from Victim (“Why is this happening to me?”) to Persecutor (“This is your fault”) to Rescuer (“I’ll just fix it myself”).

The Winner’s Triangle (healthy, intentional)

The Winner’s Triangle reframes these same human impulses into constructive leadership behaviours:

• Victim → Creator (from powerless to proactive)

• Rescuer → Coach (from fixing to enabling)

• Persecutor → Challenger (from blaming to setting standards)

The energy doesn’t disappear—it gets channelled productively.

Recognising the Drama Triangle in yourself

Leadership teams often recognise these patterns in others long before they see them in themselves. The fastest shift starts with self-awareness.

1. Victim role

Core belief: “I don’t have control.”

You might be thinking

• “This is impossible with the resources we have.”

• “Leadership doesn’t understand what I’m dealing with.”

• “Nothing I do makes a difference.”

You might be feeling

• Overwhelmed

• Anxious or resentful

• Disengaged or burnt out

You might be doing

• Complaining without proposing solutions

• Avoiding decisions

• Waiting to be rescued or told what to do

2. Rescuer role

Core belief: “If I don’t step in, everything will fall apart.”

You might be thinking

• “It’s faster if I just do it myself.”

• “They’re not ready for this.”

• “I’ll help now and fix it properly later.”

You might be feeling

• Needed, but exhausted

• Anxious when others struggle

• Quietly resentful

You might be doing

• Taking over work that isn’t yours

• Giving unsolicited advice

• Creating dependency in your team

3. Persecutor role

Core belief: “Someone is at fault and it needs to be called out.”

You might be thinking

• “This is basic—why can’t they get it?”

• “If I don’t push hard, standards will drop.”

• “This wouldn’t be happening if people were more competent.”

You might be feeling

• Frustrated

• Impatient

• Righteous or superior

You might be doing

• Criticising publicly

• Using sharp language or sarcasm

• Focusing on who’s wrong rather than what’s needed

Recognising the Winner’s Triangle in yourself

The Winner’s Triangle is not about being “nicer.” It’s about being more effective under pressure.

1. Creator (instead of Victim)

Core mindset: “I have choices, even in constraints.”

You might be thinking

• “What’s within my control here?”

• “What outcome do I want?”

• “What’s one step forward?”

You might be feeling

• Grounded

• Curious

• Purposeful

You might be doing

• Naming challenges without blame

• Proposing options

• Taking ownership of next actions

2. Coach (instead of Rescuer)

Core mindset: “People grow by owning their work.”

You might be thinking

• “What support will help them succeed?”

• “What’s the learning here?”

• “How can I empower rather than fix?”

You might be feeling

• Patient

• Trusting

• Calm under pressure

You might be doing

• Asking questions instead of giving answers

• Setting clear expectations

• Letting others struggle productively

3. Challenger (instead of Persecutor)

Core mindset: “High standards and respect can coexist.”

You might be thinking

• “What does good look like here?”

• “How can I be direct without attacking?”

• “What’s the real issue beneath this?”

You might be feeling

• Firm but fair

• Confident

• Committed to the mission

You might be doing

• Giving clear, specific feedback

• Addressing behaviour, not character

• Holding boundaries without blame

How to shift from Drama to Winner in the moment

The shift is less about personality and more about choice under stress.

Step 1: Notice the signal

Drama roles are often signalled by:

• Strong emotional reactions

• A sense of urgency or righteousness

• Stories in your head about fault, helplessness, or obligation

Pause and name it internally:
“I’m slipping into rescuing.”
“This feels like victim energy.”

Awareness alone reduces reactivity.

Step 2: Interrupt the default move

Each role has a predictable reflex. Interrupt it deliberately.

• Victim → stop venting, start clarifying outcomes

• Rescuer → stop fixing, start asking

• Persecutor → stop blaming, start specifying expectations

Even a single breath or pause can create space for a different response.

Step 3: Choose the Winner’s role consciously

Ask yourself one orienting question:

• Creator: “What do I want to create here?”

• Coach: “What would help this person take ownership?”

• Challenger: “What standard needs to be upheld—and how can I say it cleanly?”

Then act in alignment with that role, even if it feels unfamiliar at first.

Why this matters in startups

In early-stage companies, leadership behaviour scales faster than systems.
Drama creates:

• Dependency

• Burnout

• Political friction

Winner’s Triangle behaviour creates:

• Accountability

• Learning velocity

• Psychological safety with high standards

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s faster recovery—spotting when you’ve slipped into drama and shifting back to leadership.

In startups, that ability is a competitive advantage.